Working Towards Our Purpose

Welcome to episode 64 of Working

towards our purpose. Thank you for being here. Today's episode,

we are gonna talk about how to be an achiever

while struggling with mental health. But before we get into that,

we're gonna do our check in with ourselves before we get into the

episode. So take a moment to see how you're feeling

today, see where you're at, and I will do the same.

Yeah. So for me, I

had. The past few days were a little difficult. Was

kind of struggling through some stuff, thinking a lot about,

like, making these episodes as good as I can

and just constantly looking for, like, places to

improve and that sort of thing. Sort of fell into a

little bit of a rut for maybe two days. But the last night,

I sort of switched up my routine and I stayed up

a little bit later. I know crazy. I'm normally,

like, trying to be in bed, like, almost asleep by 9pm

and. And I stayed up to, like, 10:30, kind of just working on some

stuff. And, yeah, I just had some. Had some good thoughts about,

like, you know, how to make these episodes better and

try to really, like, identify my target market

a little bit better, my target listener. Not to make it sound,

you know, too businessy, but, yeah, so

check in with yourself and see how you're feeling,

and then, you know, we'll get into today's episode.

So, yeah, going off what I was just talking about, thinking about

how to make these episodes a little bit better, a little bit

more defined, trying to give myself, like, you

know, more of an identity with the show. And, like, well, what are we talking

about? You know, because, you know, some times people ask and I'm just like,

oh, you know, it's about this and this and this.

So it really got me to think about, like, what I wanted it

to be when I. When I first brought it back as a solo show. And

I think that still stands true. I still want to talk to

an older version of myself. And

in that thought process, I was thinking of the idea, like,

okay, well, like, what would I say to that older version of myself?

Um, and the first thing that came to my mind was, like,

the idea of, like, being an achiever or, like, wanting to

do these things, wanting to accomplish these things, having these, like,

ideas in your head, in my head, and

just, like, really being able to struggle with, like, accomplishing them

and not really knowing at the time that I was sort of struggling with

mental health. But, yeah, that was sort of part of it for

sure. So this episode is going to be

about, you know, how do you get through

the idea of having to struggle with mental health

while also wanting to be someone who achieves something, who, like,

accomplishes something, reaches their goals, sets new goals.

So. So that's. That's really what we're gonna talk about today.

And I'm really saying this whole episode's kind of

basically be like a conversation to myself, to my older version of myself,

and. And hopefully it resonates with. With those of you out there that feel

the same that. That you. You feel like you're an achiever, you want to achieve

stuff, but you're sort of

always getting distracted or pulled back and having to.

Yeah, to. To battle that, I guess, as. As you're trying

to achieve things. So. And I also want to caveat,

like, achiever. I. I don't mean achieve as in, like,

achieving in someone else's eyes, but more so achieving the

things that you want to get done. And.

Yeah, so. So again, this.

This person that feels

like they're ambitious, that they want to get things done, but they

maybe have trouble finishing things. I mean, that was me. I.

I always had a hard time finishing things.

Whether it was like, I know we had an episode about, like,

perfectionism and me not being able to finish drawings, that. That was, like, the

first memory when I was really young or

younger. And, I mean, I've always struggled with finishing music.

So another thing is, like, I would realize

or I would notice, like, this time had passed, and I

would kind of feel like in the same place. Like, I. I would see a

year go by, I would see two years go by, and I

would be like, man, I still don't do this thing that I want to be

doing, or I haven't done this thing that I wanted to do. And

that's part of it, like, noticing that

you're not achieving your goals. But then another part of it, too, was

if I think about an older version of myself, like

in high school, maybe in college,

probably incorporate to where I just didn't really

feel safe or. And what I

mean by that is, like, I just thought that, like, I was always doing something

wrong, or I always thought that the way that I

was doing something was the wrong way or

I wasn't making the smartest move.

I always sort of didn't feel worthy

of the things that I wanted. So

hopefully that does a good job of describing what

I felt like back then. And this was before

I really sort of started paying attention. I have a little fruit

fly in here. Sorry. So this was

like, before I started paying attention to my mental Health. And we'll get to that

a little bit later. But I want to talk to that person.

I want to talk to that person who, again, highly ambitious, but

struggling to accomplish things, struggling to finish things.

The first thing I want to say is that it's okay that the way that

you are, the way that you exist

in the world is okay and you can still be

someone who achieves something in spite that. And

I think that's really important because for a while I think

I thought that maybe I didn't have the discipline

or. Yeah, I just didn't think that I was, like,

good enough to be able to finish things and to accomplish

things. And you know that that sort of feeling beats

on, beats you down, wears on you over time,

and sort of takes your morale away. It takes that energy, that

fire, that spirit that you have of wanting to be ambitious

away. And I want to say that,

like, another thing that

I always felt like, I remember like, people

saying or hearing in movies or something, I don't know, some were

hearing that like, people can't change and people will always be the same. And I

remember always, like, hearing that and sort of being

bothered by that because I think I felt

in myself that I wanted to change. I wanted to be

someone who could achieve things. But then I always heard these things like, oh, people

can't. People don't change. So I was always, like, on the fence about that.

I was like, well, can people change or can people not change?

And for me, I think I've realized now,

present day me realizes that you can change. You just have to accept that you

want to change and you have to be the one to decide that you want

to change and then you can change. So I think it was always.

I don't know, it was sort of a weird thing. But I thought about it

as I was taking notes for this episode. So

I would want to tell, like, the younger version of myself, like, you can change.

You can fix sort of habits

that maybe you don't like about yourself or. Or accomplish something

that you haven't accomplished yet. You can be good at something that you're not good

at yet. One of the

biggest things that I would say to this older version of myself

is that you have to try to accept

the ups and downs. I think when struggling with

mental health, it can be confusing. Some days you can be

really excited and happy and passionate about something,

and then the next day you just don't feel that at all.

And you feel like everything's uphill and

the things that you thought that you liked. Maybe you feel like you don't like

them anymore. And it can be confusing because it feels like,

you know, you don't really know what you like, or

you're, like, not trusting your scent yourself. You're not trusting

yourself because your feelings told you one thing one day, and then they told you

the opposite the next day. You. And it can feel

like instable, unstable instability.

And that really threw me off for a while, I think, because

I thought that I was just lying to myself when I had good days. When

I had good days, and I was like, yeah, I'm gonna write this album. I'm

gonna produce this myself. I'm gonna sing on

it. And then a week later, I'd be like, I'm never. I can

never do that. And just the repetitive, like,

up and down would make me not trust that when I

was up. And now

it's sort of an interesting realization. I'm just realizing, like, in the moment, but now

I've flipped that now I still get those

cycles. I still get the ups and the downs and the highs and the

lows. But the one that I'm not trusting now is

the lows, which is really cool. And that, wow, that makes me really

feel full inside

because. Because that's so different

from how I used to perceive the struggles that I

went through. And you can trust

the highs. You don't. You don't have to only trust the lows.

You know what I mean? Like. Like, you can flip it from.

Instead of feeling like you. You can't trust the higher versions of yourself.

When you're in a good mood and, you know,

ambitious, instead of not trusting those

feelings, you can trust those feelings. And when you feel bad, you

cannot trust those feelings. And that is like,

if there's anything. If there's one thing you take away from this episode, if there's

one thing I would want to tell myself, that's what I would tell myself. I

would tell myself, don't trust the lows. Trust the highs.

Because that's been really been, like, a change of perspective

for me and really been a helpful thing.

So we're not even into, like, the steps that I've. That I've created here. I'm

going a little rogue in this episode, but that's okay.

So, yeah, accepting that there are going to be ups

and downs and you can trust the highs, and you don't have to trust the

lows. In fact, I'd recommend that you don't trust the lows.

Um, so, yeah. And then the. The last thing That I kind

of wanted to touch on before we get into these steps

is when I tried to force myself into a 9 to 5.

It. It's a very stable

lifestyle. From my perspective, it was very. You expect the same thing every

day. You know, you come in every day. All your coworkers expect you to be

the same you were yesterday, be the same you were last week, the same you

were last year. And. And for me,

that wasn't who I was. That isn't who I am. That's not authentic

to who I am. I would go in some days and I'd feel

depressed, but I'd have to pretend like I was fine. And

that made me suffocate a lot of my feelings. And

when you do that, you can't work through them. You can't get past them.

So for me, forcing this, like, equilibrium,

life that was not who I was, was

just really not good for me.

And I think that once I was able to get out

of that. Once I was able to get out of that cycle, I

was able to take a look at myself and to start

accepting myself for who I was, to start accepting that I did have these highs

and these lows, and that's okay. And you can be

productive when you. When you're in the highs and you don't have to be when

you're in the lows. So that's been really helpful for me too, is

to just get out of that. Like, you have to show up every day exactly

as you were yesterday for the rest of these 40 years that you're at this

company. And, of course, I'm exaggerating and, you know, making

it dramatized. But,

yeah, I think I wanted to say that about

how forcing yourself to show up, like, the same every day was just really unhelpful

because I think kind of to wrap this up, this

thought up is that when you do struggle with mental health, you do have sort

of these ups and downs and highs and lows, and that's

okay. And you can still achieve and you can still be

successful and you can still accomplish your goals in spite

the fact that you have these ups and downs. You don't have to be up

all the time. I think I always thought that I had to be up all

the time, and I wasn't allowed to feel

depressed. I wasn't allowed to feel sad. I wasn't allowed to take time to

myself. That's how I treated myself back before

the older version of me.

So, yeah, if this is you, if you're someone who

feels like they want to achieve. But maybe you struggle with anxiety or

depression or ADHD or any other

sort of mental health struggles. I don't want to like pinpoint one or the

other. For me, I think depression is the one that exists

the most. So that's the one I kind of resonate with. But

I think this applies to like any, any sort of mental health struggle.

So what do you do? Like, like how do you, how do you achieve as

somebody who struggles with mental health? And I've probably

touched upon them already, but we're going to run through five steps now

of things that you can do

and the first one is to realize that

you have to do it differently.

You can't achieve success. Well, I don't want to say can't,

but for me it wasn't helpful to look at these

people online, to look at Gary Vee and be like, oh man, I

just have to force myself to work every single

day and you know, do everything he says and, and

grind and like never sleep, like sleep later.

Like that didn't work for me. And maybe it works for some

people and maybe it gets them there faster. But if you don't get there

at all, then it, it really doesn't matter.

So you have to, you have to find your own path. You have to, you

have to figure out what works for you to be able to be sustainable and

productive. So if that means that you're

working hard two days a week and you gotta rest

for three days a week, then, you know, if that's what your week

takes, you know, you have to, you have to kind of like figure out what

works for you. So I think that that's been really helpful for me to

not think that I have to be the version

of like, feel like that I don't have to

be what I see out there as successful. Um, that you have to

kind of find your own path and determine your own success.

Um, that's been, that's been really helpful for me. Um, and then just

going along with that. Number two is, is listening to yourself. Um,

I think there's a lot of people that will tell you

what they think is best for you. And although they might be

good intentioned, when you

sort of struggle with mental health, you, you have to realize that that's a part

of it and maybe that's something that somebody doesn't really see. So their

advice may be good advice for someone else, but it might not be good

advice for you. So I think listening to yourself is really

important. I think, you know, I always think Back to, like,

my high school version of myself. I guess when I think of older self,

I didn't ever really trust

myself or, like, listen to what my intuition was trying to tell

me. Listen to what my body was telling me. I would always just sort of

listen to, like, exterior. I would listen to other people, and

that was never really helpful for me. I'm not saying don't take advice from

people, but I'm saying that sometimes people don't know

the full you or the full what's going on in your head. So

I think starting with yourself is good, and you can. You can take people's

advice. You know, you can tweak, Tweak it maybe, or use it in a different

way. But, yeah, always, Always coming back to yourself

and listening to yourself to see what works for you.

The third thing would be to slow down.

I was always, like, in a rush to do things. And it's

funny, too, because the more that I was in a rush to do things, the

less that I got done and the less

I felt like I was accomplishing my goals. And

also when you slow down, you know, you can start to focus on your mental

health, and I think that's a big one, too. So this is number four. This

is number three, slowing down and focusing on your mental health.

When I started therapy,

I think it's hard to say if these

things, like, coexist, but I'm thinking.

Or if these things are exclusive. But I'm thinking about, like,

when I started going to therapy, and then when I actually, like, finished my first

music, and it was pretty. It was

like a year or two after I started therapy. I think maybe that's

not true. I don't know. Not important. Let's. Let's nix that.

But what I was trying to get was that

when you start to.

I'm realizing I am skipping a step here.

So I had slow down and focus on your voice as a step.

We're gonna. We're just gonna, like, not talk about that.

So the third step will be to tend to your mental health. That's

how I wanted to say it. To tend to your mental health. So sorry for

going back a little bit here, but as you know, we don't edit the show.

I don't edit this show. So we're going forward. But. But

yes. So third step is tending to your mental health

and really, like, prioritizing it and thinking of

it as something that you should be spending time on and should be working on.

I think the older version of me thought it was a waste

of time or it didn't. It didn't

matter, or. I don't know. I guess I was really just afraid of looking

at it, which is why I made so many excuses to. To not look at

it. But, yeah, if I were to

tell high school version of myself, I would say tend to your mental health. Like,

you know, figure out what's going on and talk to

somebody. Go to a therapist. Because once you start working through these

issues and you can start seeing these patterns and

the way that you act and the way that you think about things,

you can start to pull them apart from, like, who you are as a person.

And. And you can see that it was just this learned thing. You learned

something. And maybe it

wasn't the best or the healthiest way to do it. It was a coping mechanism

to something else that was happening. And you can sort of

depersonalize it. So you have this thing that maybe you're not proud

of, but you could sort of see how you got there. And then once you

accept it, you can then begin to change it. And you can.

If not finishing something is something that you want to work on, you can.

You can figure out why you're not doing that and then

change it and then start to be able to make progress on that and start

finishing things and start getting towards your goals and moving towards

your goals. So, yeah, I would say that that's a big one too,

is just like tending to your mental health. And then

the last one, step four, would be

to be kind to yourself. And this is something

I've learned through focusing on my mental health is just being kind to yourself.

I was always, and still am sometimes

just very mean to myself in my head, super

critical, super judgmental, you

know, feeling like there was something wrong with me because I was feeling

down or depressed, feeling like,

you know, I wasn't able to do things I didn't have worth.

But being kind to yourself can start to

change those thoughts. Instead of beating yourself

up, you can talk nicely to yourself. And, you know, we talked about this a

lot in previous episodes, so I won't go too far into it. But

that's one thing that, that has really helped me a lot too, is talking

kinder to myself and seeing that

the weaknesses that you have can be your strength.

And just because you are struggling with mental health, that doesn't mean that

you can't achieve things. In fact, it gives you a different perception,

a different perspective that maybe you wouldn't have had otherwise that could

actually help you achieve your goals or help you be

the person that you want to be. So

I think that that's all I want to say about those

steps. And in an effort of being kind myself,

I'm also a little distracted because. Because I realized that

this isn't the first time this has happened where I've made these steps. And

two of them kind of say the same thing, but I made them separately. And

then I have to adjust on the fly. But

I'm taking a moment to practice being kind to myself. And,

yeah, we'll do better next time. And it's okay because I think I still got

out what I wanted to say then. The last thing that I wanted

to say before we end this episode is that when I say

achieve, it doesn't necessarily mean, like,

money. Like, it's. It's achieving. I just want to be, like, super clear

on this. It's achieving the things that you want. And

I think part of achieving is also, like, being the person that you want to

be. And it doesn't have anything to do with, like, fame or riches,

although it might, if that's one of your goals, is to, like, you know, be

able to support your family or, you know, whatever

it is. It's up to you. Um, so I know sometimes, like, achieve can be,

like, a negative thing, like, oh, you're. You're a high achiever or whatever.

But. But I think, yeah, more so just

talking about, like, getting the things that you want that you feel

you want in your life, whatever success looks like to

you, which is defined by you.

So, yeah, that's. That's. That's where we'll stop today. I think that's all

I got for you. Thank you. Thanks for. Thanks for sticking with me till

the end. I know it was a little all over the place, but

I still feel pretty good about it. So.

Yeah. Always

struggle ending these episodes, but I will see you on another

episode real soon. Take care of yourself, and

thanks for listening.