Working Towards Our Purpose

Welcome Back to episode 47 of Working towards our

purpose. And in today's episode, I want to talk about giving

yourself permission. But before we get into that, I

always like to start with something kind of positive. And I have a little bit

of a. Of a story that I think is funny. It might not be

funny retelling it, but I was on my run this morning, and

I was on the sidewalk doing my run, and

I felt something crash

into my feet. And I looked back and there was

nothing there. And I thought I was going crazy for a second, and then I

kind of thought about it and I was like, I think a squirrel just ran

into my feet as I was running. And I don't know,

it was, like, really odd. And then I started laughing,

and I think it was a squirrel because squirrels always kind of like, dart in

front of me to, like, they think I'm, like, chasing them or something so they,

like, get out of the way. But I think this one was too slow and

he just, like, ran right into my feet. And, yeah,

I just thought that that was hilarious, but probably not as funny now

that I'm telling you back, but it's probably more, like,

surprised than anything, but. But, yeah,

that's my positive, funny thing for today.

And so this episode's gonna be a little bit different,

structure wise, I think. I've been thinking about this idea

of giving yourself permission. And

I was on my run this morning thinking about it, and it kind of just

brought up a lot of different stories that were coming up.

So the way that I'm gonna structure this episode is I'm gonna kind of tell

these three different stories that have to do with giving yourself

permission. And then at the end, I'll kind of wrap it up with,

like, three tips of, you know, how to go about

doing that. I guess so. So the first story that kind of came

up, and I forgot about this one for a while, but.

But it came to me, and it was when I was.

I don't know. I don't know what grade you're in when you. When you,

like, get into instruments and band class, but I think it was like.

I think it was like third or fourth grade anyways.

I remember we had, like, this. This day or this night or something

where we went and the band teacher talked to us, and he

was like, these are what the instruments are like, I guess. Tell me what you're

interested in. And I remember at the end of it, like, walking up to him

and he asked me, like, well, what are you interested in? And I was Like

I want to play the saxophone. And I remember he asked to look at my

hands and he was like, oh, your hands

might be too small to play that. And he was like, I don't know. And

then I remember being sort of worried about it. Cause like

I wanted to play the sax and I didn't know if I was going to

get to. Cause this teacher said that like my hands weren't big enough.

Which is hilarious. Cause I'm probably like 8 or

however you are in that grade, however old you are in that grade. So

we all had small hands. But. But

yeah, then. And then I kind of don't remember what happened. I think

my dad probably had a word with him and was like,

he's fine or something and stuck up for me. And then

I did end up playing the sax and obviously I had no problem with it.

But I remember that moment kind of being obviously like I

still remember it. And it was kind of like teetering on

like the permission thing. Like the teacher on almost didn't give me the permission to

do it because he didn't think my hands are big enough. But then it ended

up, his mind got persuaded and it

ended up being fine. And then I ended up playing sax. So that

was the first kind of story that came up. And then the second one that

was a little bit more memorable for me was when I learned how to

play guitar. And I remember me and my brother,

for whatever reason, like had this idea in our head that we wanted to play

guitar. I really know where it came from

probably, probably because we were like first starting to get into music and stuff

and we liked a lot of guitar based music bands and that stuff, that kind

of stuff. So we, the both of us like

asked for a guitar for I'm sure Christmas or something like that.

And we got this guitar that had like a built in amp

from like some catalog, the Heartland catalogs.

If, if you're old enough to remember those, if they still exist, I don't know.

But there was like a guitar in there and

it was terrible. It didn't stay in tune or anything, but it was a guitar.

And I remember like being really excited to learn it and picking it

up. And then I have this memory of being like, oh, I don't know how

to use this thing at all. Like, I don't know where to even start.

And then it went into a closet for like a couple months

and we like didn't touch it after like a couple days of trying

and. And then one day I like stumbled upon

guitar tab.com, ultimate guitar, tab.com. and

guitar tabature is basically just like numbers

representing the fretboard. So you can learn songs

without having to read music. You can just like read the numbers and then kind

of count the frets and be like, okay, put my hands at five, seven,

whatever. So once I like

realized that I didn't need to learn how to read music and I could just

read numbers at that point, like, I never looked back with

guitar. I've always, I've played it ever since. I've, you know, done

so many different things with guitar, from learning other people's songs

to making my own songs, recording all that kind of stuff.

And I think it was at that, like, pivotal moment when I found that website

and I was like, oh, I can teach this to myself. I can.

You know, I don't need to go to like a teacher or anything. I don't

need to have somebody tell me that like, I'm good enough to

play or anything like that. I kind of just like got to work

practicing and like trying to learn songs that I wanted to learn. And

I didn't start with like scales or anything like that. I started with Metallica

songs because that was what I was into and, you know, Pantera

songs and Disturbed and, you know, stuff that like, I really wanted to

learn. Um, so. But I think that that pivotal moment was me giving

myself permission to learn how to play guitar because I knew how to read

numbers. So I was like, well, all right, if I could read numbers and I

can, you know, learn how to play guitar. So that was like another

sort of pivotal moment of giving myself permission.

First one was kind of like my dad maybe giving me permission over this,

like, you know, band teacher. But then learning guitar was kind

of like very self empowering for me and it always has been.

And then the third story, which just so happens to also be

music related. I remember we were in high school and

I was just kind of learning how to play guitar. I've probably been playing for

a year or two. And I was talking to my friend who also

played guitar and he played longer than me and I thought he was

better than me. And he was talking about

like looking at other professional

guitars, like guitarists online, like looking

people that we looked up to, people that sort of were like

our heroes and stuff. And I remember he was talking

about it and then he was like, yeah, I just, I watch videos of these

guys playing and it just really, you know, makes me feel like I'm

never going to be that good or. And he's kind of said it, like, in

a negative, self demeaning kind of way. And

I was, like, kind of shocked because that was not my experience at all.

My experience was, like, watching videos of really good

guitar players, people that inspired me, and then that

would kind of encourage me to

try to get better and to try to, like, learn their songs. And

specifically, we were talking about the Pantera guitarist, I'm Bag Darrell. And he was

one of my favorites growing up, and one of the ones

that I really, like, wanted to learn from because I really

admired the way that he played guitar. And we were talking

about him and he was like, yeah, I just. I just watch him and, like,

just. I just think I'm never going to be able to get there. And

my interpretation was the exact opposite. I was like, well, oh,

he inspires me. Like, I like the way that he plays. I want to be

able to play like him. So it's interesting, like, how your

perspective can switch. And I think, yeah, in that

moment, I was definitely grateful that I had my

perception of that. And I wasn't sure why

my friend had the negative perception, but I remember

being like, huh, I'm glad I don't think like him.

And I'm glad that I use this as encouragement

and almost kind of like, the permission of this guy can

do it. Then if I work hard, then maybe I can do that.

So, yeah, kind of. I don't know why this topic of giving yourself permission

kind of brings up all these music stories for me, but

probably not a coincidence. So, yeah, so now

getting to, like, kind of the three steps or the three

tips maybe, to helping you

give yourself permission to do something? And yeah, before

we even get into that, I think maybe think about. Maybe take a second and

think about, like, is there something in your life that you maybe

haven't done because somebody, like, didn't give you the permission to do

it? Maybe it's like going to school or learning an instrument or

playing a sport. Is there something that, like, maybe you really wanted to do,

but you didn't think you could, or you didn't think you were good enough, or

maybe you weren't old enough, or maybe you weren't the right gender or

whatever. Is there something that

maybe you. You wish that you had tried and maybe you can still

try that thing and maybe, yeah, just to think about, like,

is there anything in your life that you

want to do but don't feel like you have the permission to do? Start a

business, leave a job that you know is bad for you?

So, yeah, for these three Steps. I think the first step

is to just, like, sort of

take that, like, power, like, to give yourself the permission. I know that

sounds simple, but, like, to. To basically. What's the

word that I'm looking for? Grant yourself the permission to give yourself the

permission. Or. Or sort of. You

know, man, there's a word that I really can't think of right now.

But that's okay, because step one. Yeah, it's just really,

really simple of granting yourself the permission. Like. Like, you're the

one that can give yourself the permission to do anything. So. So that.

And just kind of like committing to that. And the second

one is kind of

flipping the feeling of jealousy. And, you know, my friend

in high school, when. When he was looking at that guitarist

Ibag Darrow, and then being kind of discouraged by it, maybe

when you feel sort of jealous of someone, like,

jealous of someone's skills, jealous of maybe a job that

somebody has or even a relationship or something, how can you,

like, flip that? Like, how can you recognize that it's jealousy and then

be like, okay, I'm jealous of this person's skills. But

if they got there and they can do that, then that also means that I

can do it if I allow myself to think that. And I

think that allowing yourself to kind of, like, flip

the sign again. I know we talked about that recently with.

What episode was that? Imposter syndrome. Yeah, it was with the imposter

syndrome episode. I think that that's huge, to be able to

take a negative feeling and ask what that's showing you.

Why am I jealous of this person? Oh, because they're good at playing guitar. Well,

I could be good at playing guitar too, if I practiced. So then instead of

worrying or wasting your energy being jealous, you can

use that energy to go practice guitar. And. And that's what I did

in high school. And that's why I think I became good at

playing and, like, proficient in playing, because I didn't

spend time, like, you know, I guess comparing

myself in a negative way, I would just, like, use it as inspiration. So

I think, like, really? Yeah. Like, looking at the jealousy

and flipping that and being like that means that I can do it too.

And then the third thing I think that's really important that we haven't really touched

on yet is surrounding yourself with people who

encourage that and who, like, also kind of

give you the permission. And I know this episode's about giving yourself permission, but

sometimes it can be hard to do that. And if you're around people

that are always kind of Positive and encourage you to

do new things and to try new things and to, you know,

go learn that new instrument or start that job, then

that is certainly a lot more helpful than being around

people who will constantly question things that you want to do or

be like, you want to do that? Why do you. Why do you want to

go do that? Um, you know, I think that

a few things are kind of coming up to mind as I was talking about

this. One of them, I was.

I was telling somebody that I was doing a half marathon, and I never talked

to this person about running before, but it happened to be that she was also

running. And I think I was.

I don't know, I was saying something about, like, how, like, yeah, I've never ran

that far before. And she was like, yeah, you could totally do that. Like, and

the first reaction was like, yeah, you can totally do that. And I think that

that's just something to notice. Like, you want to

keep. You want to keep those types of people around. The people that are, like,

going to be supportive in the new things that you want

to do or the things that maybe sound weird or crazy or out of the

norm. Um, there's. There's some people that will encourage that

and encourage what you want. Um, and then there's other people that

won't. And I think it can be helpful to sort of

limit exposure around people that

give you the negativity or sort of question why

you want to do something or are you sure you want to do that? You

know, that seems dangerous or that seems risky or that

seems not lucrative. Like. Like the people that sort of

go there first. I try to

at least limit myself or don't. You know, I'm

able to not take it personally at this point. But you really think. I think

it's really helpful to surround yourself around people who do encourage

your ideas, and that can help you then give

yourself the permission, because you can think about that one person, you know, like, I

can go back to. To my friend that I was talking to and be like,

you know, what would she say if I was. If I was gonna do this

new thing? She would immediately say, yeah, that's great. You should totally

do that. Like, you know, go for it, see what happens. And then you

can kind of train your own brain to start thinking like that and,

you know, to start giving yourself the permission.

So. So, yeah, just. I've. I've felt

pretty strongly about this topic

because I was listening to a podcast about it, and

they were talking about how, like, the age that we're in.

You don't need people's permission anymore because, you

know, back in, I think it was like the Industrial

Revolution or, you know, whatever. I'm not great on, like,

time periods and stuff. But back before the Internet, right, if you wanted to

be an author, you needed a publishing company to grant

you the permission to be an author. And because they were the only ones that

had the printing presses that could actually publish a book.

Same thing with, like, the music industry. You needed a major record label

to be like, hey, I think you can sing. I think that you're good enough

at making music. I'm going to sign you, you know,

also take most of the income and then put you

out into the world, and then you'll be a famous singer.

And there wasn't like, you couldn't record at home. You couldn't

write a book on your laptop. So

now, to make a long story short,

now we have the ability to put things out there and to create

things on our own. And we don't need a publishing company, we don't need a

major record label to tell us that we can create the

things that we want to create, because we can go do that and we can

put them online and they can resonate and connect with people

that maybe you're not gonna be

New York Times bestselling author that way, but you can connect with somebody

in a way that makes that endeavor really worthwhile to

you. So, yeah, I mean, I think we're really

kind of at a day and age where we don't need other people's

permissions to do something. And

obviously it's important to get people's feedback, especially,

or actually really only the people that you care about and love is feedback.

But you have the permission to do

whatever it is that you envision in your head, and you don't have

to wait on somebody else. You don't have to wait on somebody to be like,

okay, you're good enough now. You know, I think that also brings up a memory

of me playing guitar. And, like, I never thought I was good enough to

be in a band. And one day I was at Guitar center just, like,

playing a guitar that I couldn't buy just because I like to use to do

that. And then one of the employees came over and he's like, hey, are you

in a band? And I was like, no. And he was like, oh, you should

be in a band. You sound good. And I was. I, like, didn't even take

him seriously. I was like, he's just saying that because he wants me to buy

something but he probably did mean that and I just

was like so low self esteem that I was like oh I'm not good enough

yet but you know, you know looking back I clearly was good

enough. You don't need to be very good at guitar to be in a band.

Learn three chords and you can be in a band. But anyways kind of

rambling on now but moral of the story

what's the thing that you are waiting on

for permission to do and can you just go ahead and start

that in some way today? So yeah, I think that's all

I got for you today. Thank you for listening as always. If

you haven't checked out my website yet we got a website for this

podcast workingtowardsourpurpose.com I got

some more content on there for purpose and yeah head

on over if you haven't been already. Thank you for listening and I'll see you

on the next episode. Take care.