Working Towards Our Purpose

Welcome back to working towards our purpose. This is episode

49 and today's show we're going to talk about

comparing yourself to others. But before we get into that,

you're going to have our little check in that we started doing last

week. And so, yeah, I'm feeling a

little sore, a little tired because I did a half

marathon yesterday. It's my first one. And

yeah, I also was not able to do my run this morning,

so maybe feeling a little off my. Off

my routine. Cause normally I do a run before this episode,

before all these episodes. Um, so went for a walk

instead and, you know, got my strength, sore legs

moving. Um, so. So, yeah, also

feeling very supported.

Um, you know, I, I think running

a race, I, I haven't done many of them. I've done a couple

5Ks here and there. Uh, I did a 5K the end of last

year. Um, but this was my first marathon, my first

race any bigger than a 5K. And just the amount of

people that like, come out and support the runners was

just sort of very encouraging,

inspiring. Um, my aunt and uncle were there, my girlfriend

there to support me and cheer me on, which was really felt

nice. Um, yeah, I just noticed that, like, I'm not

really used to feeling supported

or, or accepting supportedness.

Uh, that's probably not a word. Accepting the support

from others is something that's maybe hard for. Um, so that's

something I gotta think about a little bit more and maybe a topic for another

episode. But. But yeah, it was, it was, it was a cool experience. Like,

the most I had ever run before that was 10 miles. So half

marathon's 13.1. And yeah, I definitely

felt the difference. Um, it was definitely hard,

but I was able to get through it and to not have to stop

and, you know, I didn't hurt myself, which was a goal.

I just, Just wanted to finish the race. But. But yeah, I felt really good

at. I ran. And

yeah, it kind of brought up this idea of comparison because

I think when I thought about when I did this

5K, that was at the end of last year, I

kind of had just got into running and I

didn't think 3 miles was a lot at the time. And

I remember feeling, like, really bad in the race. Uh, like I got through the

race and I was like, wow, that was a lot harder than I thought. It

was weird. It was only three miles. And I started, like, thinking about it

and I, I noticed that, like, I'm not used to, like,

running alongside other people. So when you're running

alongside Other people versus, like, being alone. You

notice all these other paces, these different pa. Like,

there's some people that are slower than you. There's people that are faster than you.

And I think when I started, I remember, like, when I started the 5K, I

remember being, like, angry that, like, people were in my way or,

like, probably angry that people were going faster than me.

And I was just, like, focusing so much on the people around me

that I didn't focus on myself, and I didn't focus on, like,

what I was doing. So I ended up running the first mile, like, way too

fast, tiring myself out, and then just, like, it being terrible to

get through the rest of it. And that was only, like, three miles. So

I really learned that lesson kind of the hard way, that

when you're in a race, you can't focus on the people around you. And that's

kind of what comparison is, is you're. You know, you're looking at the people around

you and you're comparing yourself to them. So. So, yeah,

it brought up the idea for this episode. And, you know, this time

around, when I. When I went to do the half marathon, I knew that

it was going to be hard, and I knew that I definitely couldn't make that

mistake again. So, you know, there was even more people around me

this time. But instead, I kind of just focused on trying

to focus on my pace and my breathing. So

anytime I was, like, noticing myself sort of

getting distracted, I would just focus on my breath. And that

served me, like, really well. Cause I ran my first and even second

mile pretty slow. But then I.

You know, I have my, like, my Nike app, and it tells me my pace

every mile. And I noticed that, like, my pace was getting better

and better and better and better, um, up until, like, the very end.

And, yeah, I was, like, proud of myself for. For not making

the same mistake for focusing on myself. And I think that

that's really what got me through to finishing it. Because if I were to

start focusing on others, I probably would have burnt myself out again

and been in trouble, because, man,

13 miles is a lot. And,

yeah, I mean, like I said, the most I ever ran before was 10. And.

And adding another three on is. Is you. You

certainly feel it. And I also need to start training

on hills because I'm not used to running uphill. But

again, I just use my breathing. And I think that was, like, such a helpful

thing. I noticed, like, going uphill, it

was obviously a lot harder, but when I focused on my breathing, I was able

to Just kind of keep going. And I guess that's another good example

because I noticed on Hills a lot of people would start slowing down or they

would just like kind of stop altogether. And if I looked too much at

what other people were doing, I probably could have convinced myself like, oh, it's okay,

you can stop too. But I was really kind of adamant about

not not wanting to stop. Um, so I was able to get through that.

And yeah, anyways, just, just feeling supported

and you know, it's a, it's a nice feeling and, and

feeling proud of myself too. Another, another new

feeling that I'm trying to get used to.

So yeah, I think that that's kind of the check in and

then also kind of the start of the episode. It's

just like talking about comparison. And um. Yeah,

so, so for today I got like sort of three steps

to sort of work through comparing yourself to

others. Um, you know, I think the first

thing, the first step as, as in I

think a lot of these, these episodes, any. Anytime you're trying to overcome something or

change something, the first step is always recognize and

like to, to see that you're doing it. Because

without that, you can't really know that you're doing it. You know, you're kind of

stuck in your head. So. So much like when I was doing

that five can, I was looking at all the people around me. I didn't really

know that I was doing it at the time, but afterwards I was like, wow,

that was terrible. What did I do wrong? And I recognized

that like I was paying too much attention to the people around me.

And so, yeah, like where, where are you comparing yourself?

You know, is there an area in your life that you're comparing yourself to others,

making yourself feel bad, belittling yourself? You know,

social media is the classic place that we all.

Well, I don't want to say we all, but I certainly struggle with comparing myself

to, you know, it's a place where people put a

curated version of themselves up. You know, you can, you can look at

other people's lives, compare yourself to people you don't even know.

And I know that for me that that's a place where I fall into

comparing myself to others. So, you know, is there a

place that has, I

guess maybe like low hanging fruit where you can do something about it?

You know, with social media, for me it's rather easy to

go in and put like a timer on your social media. So I'm only

allowing myself 20, 25 minutes a day and then I get kicked out,

you know, is there something you can do to sort of like, limit your exposure?

For me, that was social media. Other areas of your life where

you can compare yourself to someone is perhaps your job,

your work. Maybe you're comparing yourself to

your boss or an employee or maybe somebody that got a

raise and you didn't. Or if you're

owning a business, maybe you're comparing yourself to your competition,

to a friend who's got a business. Maybe, maybe

you're comparing yourself to your spouse. I, I know people that have done

that who've compared themselves to their spouses and sort of started

belittling themselves because they felt like they weren't doing enough. Um,

you know, that's gonna be a little bit harder because obviously you're spending more

time with that person. Um, but. But is there anything, like, right off the

bat, maybe you can sort of limit yourself. Maybe you have a friend group

that makes you compare yourself in a, In a negative way. You

can maybe sort of limit yourself a little bit. Um, but yeah, the first step

is just kind of like rec. Recognizing where this exists, like, where, where does this

problem exist? And then as soon as you recognize

that you're doing it, then the second step, you can then try

to stop doing that. And, you know, that's easier said than done

to stop comparing yourself. But, you know,

I think things like setting the social media timers can, can be

a place where you can stop the, the comparison.

Right? If I'm. If I'm only allowed 20 minutes, then I only allow myself 20

minutes to get on there and start comparing myself, I guess. Um, but

yeah, I think to try to help yourself stop.

There's some, there's some, like, things and analogies that, like, I've been. I've been thinking

about recently. Um, so one of them is

I, I used to really love NASCAR when I was a kid, and me and

my brother, like, loved racing. Love nascar. Um, and something that they would always

say, like the announcers would say when somebody was leading a race,

is that, you know, if the guy who's leading is looking in his

rearview mirror too much, then he's likely to, you know, make

a mistake and not hit his corners like he's supposed to. You know, he'll. He'll

start driving slower laps, and then before you know it, he's going to get passed.

So a lot of times they would say stuff like, you know, he's got to

look out his front windshield more than he's looking in the mirror. And

yeah, I think that that's Like, a great analogy to think about, like, comparing

yourself. Like, if you're driving a car and you're looking in the mirror all the

time, you could easily crash into something. You know, you're not paying

attention to what you're doing because you're too focused on who's in the

mirror. And, you know, I think it's okay to every once in a while check

your mirror, but if you're spending more time looking in your mirror than

you are out the windshield, then that's a problem.

And that's, I think, like, a good analogy for

thinking about comparing yourself to others. Um,

another thing that I read recently in

a book, can't remember where it was from, but

it. It was saying something like, if you're

sort of looking at other people and comparing yourself to somebody else,

maybe you're trying, you know, in comparison, you're trying to, like, be that

person almost. You're. You're trying to do what they're doing or go about

something the way that they go about it. You're never going to, like,

win. You're never going to be as good at doing it the

way that they do it, because they're the only person

who's, you know, we're all unique, and they're the only person who is that

person. That was confusing. Let me. Let me say it a different way.

Let's go back to the NASCAR example. So Jeff Gordon was my favorite NASCAR driver,

right? And if I'm, like, looking at Jeff Gordon and, like, I want to

be a race car driver when I'm a kid and I'm like, oh, I want

to be Jeff Gordon, I want to be Jeff Gordon, there's no way that I

can be him, because he's the only Jeff Gordon that there is.

So if I'm trying to be Jeff Gordon, Jeff Gordon's definitely

going to be better at being Jeff Gordon than I am. So to think

about, like, well, you're never going to be that person because everybody's unique,

but you're going to be the only best version of you that

you can be, or you're going to be the only best version of yourself.

So instead of trying to focus on, like, how you can be, like, somebody else,

focus on how you can be the best version of yourself because nobody

else can do the things that you can, because you have all these special traits

and talents and gifts that if you focused on yourself,

then you can let those shine instead of trying to be

somebody else who. Who maybe you admire. And, you

know, admiration is good, but if you're doing it in a negative

way, then it becomes an issue. So,

yeah, just kind of goes into the topic we

talked about a couple episodes ago about looking at a Guitar

Hero and comparing yourself to it. If you're looking at it as

a way of inspiration, then that's great. But if you're looking at it in a

negative way, then it's not and it's not helpful to you.

So I think to think about,

again, kind of like with the recognization with recognizing, like, where it's showing up,

like, if you're comparing yourself to somebody and it's not helpful, then,

you know. Then you know that it's probably an issue. So, you know,

so what do you do? Well, you know, if you're trying to stop this, I

think step three, changing your perspective is what you can then

replace it with. So instead of comparing yourself to somebody,

change your perspective. And, you know, like we said,

like, are you spending more time in the rearview mirror than looking out the

windshield? If you are, then, you know, try

to change your perspective, recognize you're looking in the rearview mirror a little too much,

and say, okay, well, you know, maybe I can start looking out the windshield a

little bit more. Maybe I can. Instead of looking

to the people around me, I can look towards myself. I could

look inwardly and think about, like, you know, what can I do?

And, you know, the. The classic sort of

example of instead of comparing yourself to others,

you, you know, want to compare yourself to, like, previous

versions of yourself. Um, so instead of comparing yourself to others,

you can compare yourself to an older version of yourself.

And, you know, that might sound like a little cliche or

maybe you've heard it too many times before, but I do really think that

that's the best way to try to look at your own

progress and to try to look at, you know, how you can

do better and. And beat your old self versus trying

to, like, compete with somebody who's not you. For example. Like,

you know, my goal. One of my goals this year was to run a marathon,

but then I started having trouble with my foot, and my Achilles tendon was, like,

kind of hurting and messed up and stuff. So then I kind of gave up

the idea, and then I started feeling a little bit better. I started

running more and more, and then I was like, all right, well, maybe I'll do

a half marathon. And my brother is doing a full

marathon, and I have some friends who are doing full marathons, and I could

easily compare myself to them and be like, well, eh,

whatever. It's not even worth it. I'll just give up. You know, I don't wanna.

If I can't do a full marathon, then it's not worth it. But instead of

comparing myself to other people, I can look at myself and I could

be like, man, three months ago, I could, like, hardly do three miles

without my leg, like, really hurting, and now I can do six,

seven, eight. And, you know, I've made progress. I can see

my own progress. And then it gave me the confidence to be like, yeah, let's.

Let's do a half marathon. Why not? Like, you know, it's something. It's. It's

something to accomplish. It's. It's not. It's

not nothing to do a half marathon. You know, so I signed up for

it, and then I did it. And I felt good about it. I felt proud

of myself. And, yeah, comparing myself to

myself, I was able to do that. Instead of, like, thinking

about, well, my brother's doing this or my friend's doing this,

so maybe I should just give up. And, you know,

it's a lot easier said than done. So, again, you know,

I think always as I. As I talk about these

topics in these episodes, it's. It's always being kind to yourself.

And I think that that's the biggest thing is when you're not comparing

yourself to somebody else and you're comparing yourself to you, then

you're being more kind with yourself. You're being more

sort of appreciative of the things that you're doing versus

looking at, like, somebody else and being like, oh, man, I'm not good enough because

I should be doing this or I should be doing a full marathon. So.

So how do you. How do you inject kindness into this, too? You

know, I think that that's. That's certainly another aspect of

trying to stop comparing yourself to others. So. So yeah, I think

those. Those are kind of the three or. Or maybe four things is to first

recognize that you're comparing yourself to others. Second is to. Is

to find out how to stop doing that. And third is to

replace the. The comparing yourself with changing your

perspective. And then, you know, maybe four is a little bonus, is to

be kind to yourself. And, yeah, I think inherently

looking at what you've done in the past,

you're already being, like, kinder to yourself because,

yeah, you're looking at the things that you've done instead of, you know,

what somebody else has. So, yeah, I think,

you know, kind of wrapping this episode up, I think the biggest thing for me

Was. Was kind of realizing that there's a link between, like,

comparing yourself and then also, like, looking at what other people are

doing. So I think, like, I don't know, for me,

maybe this makes sense to you, maybe it doesn't. But for me, like, when you

say comparing yourself to others, it kind of. It's just this term that, like,

I've heard a million times, and, like, I don't know. I kind

of don't know what it means. I kind of do know what it means, but

it can easily be said, and, like, I don't feel anything. But if

I say you're focusing on what other people are doing

instead of focusing on what I'm doing, that kind of

deconstructs that comparison because it's kind of saying the same thing. That is what

comparison is. Because when you're comparing yourself, you're focusing on other people.

But when I break it down and think about, oh,

I'm looking at what somebody else is doing actively instead of

thinking about what I'm doing. So, of course I'm

not going to be thinking about what I'm doing, because, you know, you really only

have, like, one focus point, one center of attention. And if

I'm using my attention to look at what somebody else is doing, I'm

ignoring what I'm doing. So that, for me, was,

like, sort of a nice little epiphany. As I was

running, I was like, oh, I get it now. Like, because I'm not looking at

these other runners and I'm thinking about me and my breath, I can now

focus on what it is I have to do. And, you know, at the end

of the day, it doesn't matter what other people are doing. Um, you know, people

are gonna have opinions, people are gonna have things to say, things

not to say. And really focusing on

what it is that you feel true to is.

Yeah. What's gonna make you sort of

feel good about what you're doing. And yeah, I

think that was kind of a nice. Nice little

insight that I think I had was that comparing

yourself is spending your energy on other people.

Spending your energy looking at what other people are doing instead of spending that energy

on yourself. So, yeah,

that's the episode I got for you today, comparing yourself to others. So take a

moment and maybe think about where you're

comparing yourself to others. Because, yeah, none of us are

perfect. I think we all do this. I do this. I compare myself.

So where are you doing it? And maybe we can think about, like,

not doing it as much or focusing in on our own things instead of

what someone else is doing. So yeah, so thanks for listening as

always. If you're watching and listening to this on YouTube, please

like and subscribe. I am trying to grow my YouTube channel, so

that would be greatly appreciated and I will see you

on another episode real soon. Oh, and one more thing before I go.

Now that I've gotten through this episode, I thought it was really funny

that I this is the second time for me recording this episode

because I already recorded the whole thing and I forgot to hit

record on the video capturing system that I

use. So I got to the end of the episode and I was like,

ugh, I didn't record the video. And I was like,

I felt good about it and I was like, ugh, I'm not going to be

able to do as good as, you know, job as the first

episode. And then I thought about it

and I was like, oh, what are you going to compare yourself to the first

version that you did instead of the second version? And I was like, that's.

That's pretty funny since the topic is comparing yourself.

So yeah, just thought I'd share that because I thought it was

funny. But yeah,

think about not comparing yourself. But yeah.

Anyways, so thanks for listening and as always, I

will see you on another episode real soon. Thanks.