Working Towards Our Purpose

Hello. Welcome to episode 58 of Working

Towards Our Purpose. Thank you for being here. In today's

episode, we are going to talk about

you. Are. Are you the one that is keeping yourself stuck?

So before we get into today's topic, we're going to do

normal check in that we always do before we start our episode.

Uh, so check in with yourself, see how you're feeling today. Um,

for me, I had a really good start to

my week. I like, the first two days were, like, awesome.

Uh, felt really productive. Felt really in alignment. Um,

yeah, felt like grateful. Um, and then

yesterday had sort of a not great

day, but a good learning lesson of a day that kind

of spawned the topic for this

episode. I realized I use that word a lot. Spawned. I'm not even sure if

I'm using that right. Generated the idea for this

episode. So, yeah, this

morning, also feeling a little all over the place. So I'm

gonna try to take it a little bit slower and collect my thoughts in

this episode to make sure that I'm saying everything that I want to.

So, yeah, getting into today's episode, I want to talk

about. Are you the one that is keeping yourself stuck?

I think a lot of people can sort of resonate with being

your own worst enemy or, you know, limiting

yourself. So in today's episode, I

want to talk about four questions that you can sort of ask yourself to

help you realize, like, where you're being stuck and like, where you're keeping

yourself stuck. Cause I think a lot of times it's sort of subconscious and you

don't really realize it. And the awareness is

what's helpful in being able to sort of change

that and to not be stuck anymore. So.

Yeah, anyways, yesterday. Yesterday I had, like, a

laundry list of things to do, and

I. I guess, I don't know. For whatever reason, I was just

very not focused. I kept getting

distracted. I kept getting, like, stuck on my phone, which usually makes me feel

bad about myself. I

was. Yeah, I just, I don't know, felt like I wasn't

performing very well, especially in contrast to,

like, the previous two days. So I

ended up just, like, not really realizing,

but I was just, like, belittling myself all day, like,

subconsciously, like, making myself feel bad because I wasn't being as

productive or focused or whatever you want to call it.

And I got to. Towards the end of the day, and

for some reason it felt like I didn't get anything

accomplished. But then I looked at my list of things that I needed to

get done, and more than 80% of it was

completed. And it, like, I was, like, so confused

in that moment because I was like, wow, that's weird, because how I'm

feeling feels like I didn't do anything all day long, and I. And I got

nothing done, but I really ended up getting, like, most of

the things done that I needed to. So that made me, like,

question, like, well, why do I feel so bad then? And

that kind of triggered the looking

inward and being like, well, I think I

was talking bad to myself all day long in my head, like, making

myself feel bad that I didn't have a good day. And,

yeah, it was just sort of interesting. Like, the awareness of that was pretty interesting.

And, yeah, so it kind of just gave me the idea for this episode about

being stuck and, like. And trying to

maybe get more awareness about being stuck so you can then not

fall into those habits again. So. So, yeah, we. I have.

I have four sort of questions that you can ask yourself, and

we're gonna kind of run through them, and then I'm gonna, like, pepper in

stories from throughout my week because I feel like this

week has been very,

like, insightful in showing me ways of myself that

I no longer, like, want to

see myself as showing me, like, older versions of myself that

I maybe older habits,

older ways of beings that, like, I. I'm trying to break and

don't want to be, you know, associated with as much anymore.

So. So, yeah, I think that's another part of this

episode. I think I've been challenged this week to sort of

traits and having a hard time coming up

with words. But, like, traits or, like, habits are kind of the only things that

come to mind right now. But, yeah, traits, habits,

ways of being that no longer fit me, that no longer suit

me, and most importantly, no longer serve me.

So, yeah, lots of learning lessons this week. But. So the

first question, you know, kind of kind of pulling it in a little bit.

The first question that you can ask yourself to see if you're the one that's

keeping yourself stuck is trying to figure out,

like, what. What are the stories that you're telling yourself? And

I think a lot of times we don't realize the stories that we tell ourselves.

Maybe this shouldn't be the first question, but we're going into it,

so what are the stories that you're telling yourself? And

I think if I think about me, an example

that came up this week, somebody came over my

place, and for the first time, they'd never been here before. Sort of

a family member associated,

not important. But they came in and they saw all my guitars, and they

were like, whoa. I didn't realize that, like, you played guitar that much.

I didn't know that, like, you were into it that much. And

I was kind of feeling quiet about it. Like, I didn't say,

like, oh, yeah, like, I do this and this and this. I was just like,

yeah, I love music. You know, always have. And then they

immediately sort of, like, went over to my guitars and, like,

I don't know if they picked one up or if I handed one to them,

but they just started, like, playing right in front of me. And to

me, that was like, whoa. I would never do that. Why?

Why was. And not in, like, a judging way, but just,

like a. I don't know. Like.

Like, I thought. I guess really quickly had thought of, like, I would never

do that. Sort

of judging myself as, like, well, why wouldn't I do that? Like, I

do love playing guitar. I do feel like I'm a competent guitar player.

Why would it be such a crazy thing to, like, play a guitar if somebody's

got a bunch there? So it kind of, like, questioned myself, like,

well, why am I always, like, so reserved with that? Why am I so

sort of shy of saying that I play music or that

I make music? And then. Yeah. And then,

you know, after some conversation, this person said something about, like, having

some music on Bandcamp, and I was like, oh, that's. That's cool.

Yeah, nice. And, like, did not say, like, you

know, I've been releasing a single every month this year, and I have, like,

albums out. Nothing, like, didn't say anything. And

I don't know. It's just strange. Like, I. I saw

myself acting like this, and I was like, why. Why didn't I say anything? Like,

why am I so quiet about it?

So that was, like. That was, like, one experience this week that, like,

sort of challenged myself of. Challenged my way of being. It's

like, why do I act like that? I don't necessarily like

that. I don't like the fact that I'm not, like, proud

of the things that I do, and I don't outwardly talk about the things that

I do. So, yeah,

that was one sort of thing. And, you know, I think

it's these stories that we tell ourselves. Like, for me, I think I've told

myself for a long time that, like, I'm not a musician. I just can kind

of play guitar. Like, I'm not really a musician. But, I

mean, what is a musician if it's not somebody who's making music.

And that is something that I do. So, I mean, even as I'm like thinking

about it now, I'm still struggling with the idea of like

identifying with the word musician or like the term

musician. Because it was like an older story that

I told myself maybe in high school when I first started learning.

I didn't maybe feel like I knew guitar enough to say that, like I was

a musician. But in my mind, here I am now at

33, still sort of resonating with this old story

that isn't is no longer true. I am a musician. I do

know how to play music. I am proud of

that. Why do I still identify with the story of

I'm not a musician? So, yeah, that was

a really challenging one for me and still processing it, still kind of working through

it and seeing how I can change that.

But yeah, I think

that kind of brings me to the next question that you can ask yourself to

see if you're the one that's keeping yourself stuck or see where you are

is how are you talking about yourself? And

noticing that is like the hardest part. And

I think that my experience yesterday of having like a

bad day and at the end of it, sort of

recapping my day and looking at how the

day went and how I felt and it being so mismatched, I

think that's like a really good insight of being able to

see where these

sort of stories don't line up and like where

you could be talking about yourself negatively. Right. And I think that's like

just really a. For me,

it's. It's just like a. It's almost. It's so hard

to be aware that you're talking to yourself in a negative way.

And because a lot of it is like, it's not direct thinking, it's just like,

you know, seeing something, having a thought about it so quickly and then having a

feeling about it so quickly that you don't even realize that you're having a thought.

So, you know, as I was getting distracted yesterday, you know, like on my phone,

doom scrolling, whatever, checking

stuff that doesn't matter, I'm like

just subconsciously telling myself like, you're not focused, you're not getting this thing done.

You're not good enough. Why aren't you, you know, being

productive? Why are you wasting all this time? And

you know, at the end of the day I felt like so exhausted

because I was like doing that to myself all day long. And it just

completely zaps your energy talking to yourself in

a negative way and, and Yeah, I think. I think the

only reason I'm trying to think of, like, why I

sort of recapped my day at the end of the day and,

like, looked to see physically what I got done, and I think it was because

I was going to see some friends for

birthday, and I wanted to not be in a bad

mood, and I had gotten myself into a bad mood,

and I was, Yeah, I don't know,

just kind of thinking about, like, how I could maybe get myself in a better

mood. But, yeah,

I think the way that we talk to ourselves is

so important because in

reality, one thing can be happening, but in your head, a

total different thing can be happening. So in reality, my day yesterday

wasn't all that bad. I got most of what I needed to get done,

accomplished. I, you know,

didn't do nothing. I got some things done,

and in my head, I was,

like, a total failure. I didn't do anything I wanted to do. I was distracted,

didn't have enough discipline, whatever you want to call it.

So, yeah, it was interesting how you can see those things not line up and.

And, yeah. So that kind of brings me to my third question that you can

ask yourself to identify if you're keeping yourself stuck and where you can see

yourself being stuck and keeping yourself stuck.

And this one is, are you being violent towards

yourself? And this kind of goes in with the second

question and kind of goes in with the first question. Even I'm having a hard

time identifying the different questions myself. But hopefully you're following me

here. And, yeah. Are you being violent towards yourself?

And what do I mean by violence? I just finished

the Book of Dharma, which I wrote a review for on my sub stack. If

you're interested, I'll put the link in the show notes. But

nonviolence is one of the four Dharma principles.

There's four principles of Dharma. It's like a code of living.

And one of them is nonviolence. And of course, it

means, like, you know, don't kill each other and don't be violent towards somebody

else. And that one's sort of easy to understand. But

I read this line that said something like,

oh, man, I should have. Should have had the quote prepared. But it was something

like, if you are talking to

yourself in, like, a degrading or a mean way, that this is

an act of violence against yourself. And I read that, and I was

like, whoa, I never thought of it like that.

I know that it's not good to talk bad about yourself,

but I never saw it as this act of violence.

And thinking of it in that way sort of helps

to weight the significance of it, because

it is truly significant, the way that you talk

about yourself in your head. And it was such a good

example from my day yesterday. It was like I didn't even have that bad of

a day, but I made myself suffer all day long

because of the way that I was talking to myself. And I wasn't being careful

with sort of stopping the negative

cycle. And, yeah, I don't know. I

just. I really. I really liked the way that it put so much importance

on that. Because. Because, yeah, I mean, the way that you think about

yourself is kind of everything. It's how you see the world, it's how you perceive

the world. It's how you feel about yourself. And

if you can really sort of stop these acts of

violence against yourself in your head, you know, how much. How

much happier could we be? How much unstuck could we be? We can allow

ourselves to move forward and to get past so many different

things. So, you know, of course, that's something that we're always

going to have to work on, is how we talk to ourselves. And.

And, yeah, I think it's going to be a practice.

And if it's ingrained in our head to

treat ourselves like this, if we've been doing it for 30. So years or

20 years, whatever, 15 years, it's going to take a long time to try to

change that habit. But it's possible. You can.

You can work at it, and you can start to

change the way that you talk to yourself and perceive yourself.

So, yeah, that one was really, really important for

me. That quote in that book of Dharma. And then

that kind of brings me to the fourth question, which

is, how do you want to be

and what do you want to be? Like, how do you

want to get past your being

stuck, get past the old versions of yourself? How do you want to grow?

How do you. How do you want to think about that? So, for me, I

think another

story from this week, I. I saw

some friends last night, and some. Some. Also, some. Some

unfamiliar faces, some new faces, some people I'm not as

comfortable with in a celebration of a birthday of

a close friend. And I was already,

uh. This. This was yesterday for me. So, you know, I was already not in

a good mood from. From kind of berating myself and beating myself up. Up all

day. And I. I didn't feel very social. I didn't feel

like I wanted to show up

because I. Yeah, I just. I didn't feel

good. And I Felt like I didn't have any energy left, but I wanted

to go because it. It is a dear friend. And

I did. And the whole time, I don't know, I was

sort of. I was sort of

noticing as more and more people showed up, me getting

more uncomfortable. And it sort of reminded me

of when I was younger and socializing.

It sort of, like, triggered me back into, like, feeling like a kid

in certain moments. Like, I was kind of, like, floating in and out of it.

And so I'm trying to

describe it because it's, like, very difficult to describe. I feel like.

But for me, like, being

in a group of people who are, like. We're

all talking to each other with sort of like a group setting. I do very

well with, like, one on one. But, like, when there's more people, I

get, like, quieter. I make myself feel smaller.

I don't want to talk. So I kind of felt like that

I was seeing people, like, be.

I don't know, what's the word? I was seeing people be sort

of outgoing. And I guess

when I witness that, I think to myself, like, oh, that's not me. I'm

not very outgoing. So I get, like,

quieter. I get smaller. I can start to belittle myself

again and be like, you should be this, you should be that.

And one word that comes to mind that I read in the Celestine Prophecy, the

book of the Celestine Prophecy is the word aloof. And aloof

sort of means like,

you don't divulge information. You're kind of quiet, avoidant.

And I felt very much that last night. And it was

strange because I felt like I've grown past that,

especially with some of the people that were there.

But, yeah, I felt myself like not talking about anything and

somebody was saying something that, like, I could have said something to, I could have

added to the conversation, but I didn't, and I sort of felt like I

couldn't. And, yeah, it just brought me back to, like, being in

those sorts of environments as a kid, being in school, being, you know,

at recess, in a field trip, someplace where, like, there

wasn't an expectation of you to be a certain way where

you can have some freedom to express yourself. I always would be

nervous and I'd be like, oh, man, I don't want to talk

about myself at all. And so I'm kind of going down this rabbit

hole now. But what I'm trying to say is that how do I want

to be? I don't want to be that person. I don't Want to be aloof.

I don't want to not contribute and participate

and have conversations. There was people at this

birthday party celebration last night that were asking great questions.

They were, you know, asking, like, deep

questions. And, like,

I love that. I love not, like, talking about surface level stuff. I

love getting straight to deep conversations and what are you passionate about? You

know, stuff like that. And, like, I noticed people were doing that and

I wasn't participating. And I was like, why? Why am I not doing this?

This is something that I enjoy. This is something that I like. These people

are very kind, all of them. Why are you

sort of, like, hiding yourself? Like, turtling and recluse?

Whatever. Whatever you want to say. Like. Like, I felt like I was hiding myself

and I felt like I just wanted to leave, but I kind of just sat

in it and tried to, like, notice how I felt and

to notice, like, why I felt like that and to try to envision,

like, how I want it to feel. And, you

know, now that I'm talking about it,

I'm thinking to myself, like, we can't be perfect, obviously. I don't

want to say obviously, but we can't be perfect.

I can't be perfect in every situation. So it's okay that I

didn't feel like talking and didn't feel like, you

know, interacting. And I showed up

anyways because it was important to me to be there. And,

yeah, I don't know, that thought just kind of came to my mind as I'm

speaking it aloud. But, yeah,

I think, you know, just another example of

me being hard on myself. And I think that.

I think a lot of people can resonate with that. They probably.

I've talked to a lot of people who are hard on themselves. I've seen a

lot of people who are hard on themselves. Um, and, you know, I

think being hard on yourself is eventually, like, kind

of what keeps you stuck in things. So. So, yeah,

so those are my four questions. I. I see that we're kind of getting on

close on time here. Um, that was. That felt very all over the place. I

hope it was helpful. I hope it made sense. Um, but really what I

wanted to talk about was how that. How we can be

the ones who limit ourselves and to keep ourselves stuck

in these. These stories that we tell ourselves, in the things that we think

we can and can't do, ways of

showing up in the world. So. So these are four questions that

maybe you can ask yourself to identify where you're

keeping yourself stuck and where you can maybe try

to try to grow areas that you can grow. So I'll repeat the four

questions again because I don't even know if they came out very great. But

first one was, what stories are you telling yourself? The second

question is, how are you talking to yourself? The third question

is, are you being violent towards yourself? Are you sort of

belittling and berating yourself in your head? And then the fourth one is,

how do you want to be? How do you want to show up in the

world? So yeah, thanks for bearing with

me in this episode. I definitely felt

not as fluent and articulate as I wanted to be.

But hey, you know, we can't be perfect every day.

So hopefully this was helpful. And

quick reminder, I do have a feedback form up on my website

for feedback on this podcast. If you have any questions or if you have any

things that you want to say about it, if you resonated with anything, please let

me know. I will get back to you. And you can also

go to workingtowardsapurpurpurpose.com to find some working towards our

purpose merch. And yeah, that's all I got for you today.

Thank you for listening as always and I will see you in the next episode.