Working Towards Our Purpose

Welcome to episode 93 of Working towards our purpose.

In today's episode, we're going to talk about how to break the cycle and

rewrite your own story. But before we do that, we're going to take

a moment and just check in with ourselves, see how we're feeling, see where

we're at. Slow down for a minute.

All right. Hopefully you got a second to see where you're at today.

So, yeah, for me, I guess I'm feeling pretty good, pretty

excited. Did a whole day of music

yesterday, got to work on three different projects, and really, really

feeling good about that. So, yeah, I'm feeling

good. Yeah.

So, yeah. The idea for this episode

came from a podcast that I watched, a Theo Vaughn

podcast. He just had a solo episode come out,

episode 654, and

it really caused me to think a lot. He had a caller call in, and

the caller sort of described his problem, I guess that

he wanted Theo to help him out with. And he said

that he was

frustrated of just kind of going through the same cycle

and wanted to know how

to get out of the repetition, how to get out of the cycle and

move towards the things that you want. Um, and

Theo had a lot of thoughts on it, and I also had a lot of

thoughts on it, and it kind of. I was going to do again

a different episode this. This week, and then I watched that episode, and it

made me really think about this topic.

And basically, I've kind of boiled it down to, like, three

different questions that, like, maybe you can ask yourself.

So that's kind of how this episode's gonna go. It's gonna be, like, three questions

you can ask yourself. But first, I do want to describe the

feeling of being stuck in a

cycle, because I think I definitely resonated with that.

I definitely remember feeling that when I was stuck at my corporate

job and just feeling like I couldn't make a change

and just being frustrated with what I

was doing, being frustrated

at other people, being frustrated at my boss or

being frustrated at the way society is or

whatever. Number of excuses. I think it's easy

to not look inward and to look outward and to blame other

things and other things that are happening to you.

But I think turning inward is a better option

because, a, you can control that,

and you also feel like you have more control over

that, you know, so it's kind of.

I don't know.

You definitely, like,

that's how I think. You can have some sort of, like, control over

something that feels like it's out of control is what I'M trying to say. So,

yeah, so these three questions are all, like, inward questions that you can ask

yourself. So, yeah, the

first question is, do you really want

to change? Because I think something that

Theo alluded to and something that I've definitely been

familiar with is saying that you want

something but then not really wanting it that bad or

not willing to do what it takes to get there. And

I think in this situation, you just have to really try to be

honest with yourself and ask yourself, is this

something that I really want? Or is it maybe

something that I think that I should have or I think that I

want? And only you can answer that. Only you can know

what you really want. But I think a lot of

times for me, if I'm thinking about

things that I've done and places I've been in the past,

thinking that I wanted something, but then I

actually really didn't want it, or it was an excuse or a

distraction to the thing that I really wanted.

So really having an honest conversation with yourself and thinking about,

do I want to make a change. For example, if you're in a corporate

job, leaving a corporate job and

trying to figure it out in a different way

is hard and a lot of work. And

I think I see a lot of stuff online of like,

oh, leave your job, leave your job, leave your job. And I'm all for that,

definitely. But I think you have to ask

yourself, is that something that you really want? Because

for a while, I think I wasn't ready to do that. I said that I

wanted it, but I wasn't willing to put up what it

took to get there.

And, yeah, it's just trying to really be honest with

yourself, and sometimes you're not ready for something, and that's okay.

There's no shame in that.

But for a while, I thought about leaving my corporate job

for three or four years before I actually did. And likely I

wasn't ready when I first thought of it. But,

yeah, I don't know. I don't know what I'm trying to say, but just trying

to be honest with yourself, with what you really want, and sitting with

yourself and kind of blocking out the outside distractions and just

asking yourself, do I really want this? Do I want this

thing that I want to work towards? Because that's kind of the first step, I

think, is actually making the decision. And

I talked about it a few episodes ago, but for me

recently, what that's looked like is for

music. For me, doing music and working on other people's music

and saying that I do that. I record people. I've wanted that

for so long. But I didn't do

what it took to get there until recently. And I

think I've only been recently honest with myself in

knowing that that's what I want. And once making that

decision, then, you know,

you start working towards it because you've made the decision. But for a long

time, I was like, yeah, I want to record bands. Yeah, I want to be

an engineer. But I didn't really do anything about it,

so I didn't want it bad enough then, you know,

and that's my path. And it took me

however many years of building resentment against myself and being like, no,

I do want this to finally make a stand and be

like, this is something that I want and this is something that I'm doing.

So, yeah, just the honesty with yourself, I think, is

a really big thing when you're trying to get out of a cycle

or work towards the thing that you want. Um, and then the second

question that you can ask yourself is, are you

showing up for yourself? And

this is an interesting one because

I feel like

the progress to, like, get from one point to the next point,

like, it's easy to. And I've. I've done this

so many times, it's easy to, like, look at a situation and be like, oh,

this person didn't give me an opportunity, so I can't do

it. There was a time in my past where I had

a studio place, where I had a podcast

studio, and I was just kind of waiting for somebody to give me

an opportunity for music and sitting back and just

hoping that it was going to happen, and

that's great and fine, and sometimes you get great opportunities, and that's

amazing. But I wasn't showing up for myself back then.

Like, I wasn't doing what it took to move towards

that goal of recording other people and being in music and creating music.

I wasn't moving towards that myself. Like, I wasn't sitting and

writing songs by myself and recording them and putting them out, and I

wasn't doing that. And I was kind of just waiting for, like, bands

to come to me. And it's like, why would they come to me? I'm not

showing up for myself. And that's one way

of looking at it. But also, too, are you taking care of

yourself? Are you getting up in the morning and

giving some of your day to yourself?

Like getting up and meditating or journaling or doing

yoga or going for a run? Are you giving yourself

the things that you need? So that you can operate

in the way that you need to to reach your goals and to move towards

your goals. Because I think that's a big part of it for me is

I've really worked hard

at getting my head right in the morning, so then I can be

productive and I can do things during the day that

are working towards my goals. And, yeah,

getting yourself right first,

in, I guess, a selfish way, making sure you're good

so then you can go and do those things.

And that's been a big part of it. And Theo mentioned that, too. And I

thought that was such a good point

to make, is he was saying, like, yeah, I'm working out now.

I'm taking care of my body, like, I'm eating right. And

all those things he was saying contribute to him feeling

better and to him feeling like he has now the

energy to move towards the goals and to do something about changing

the course of your life. And I think that's also just so

important, is taking care of yourself first. Because we often

neglect ourselves. We're often the last person we think about, Especially

if we have other people that we're responsible for. It's often

not us that we think about. So better. Back to

the old airplane analogy, like, you got to put your own oxygen mask on first.

I think it's important to make sure you're showing up for yourself,

because another thing, too, when you

are showing up for yourself, you show others that you're doing

that. And for my example, when

I'm showing up for myself in my own music and I'm making my own music

and I'm going to open mic nights and I'm doing my own stuff, I think

that shows other people that, oh, well, he's doing it for

himself, so he could probably do it for me. And maybe

that doesn't translate in every industry,

but I think it does. The way you carry yourself, the way you tend to

yourself and be kind to yourself, I think that goes a long

way, especially being kind to yourself.

Definitely. And then the third

question that you can ask yourself is,

do you believe that something's wrong with you?

And this is a big one that I got from the Theo episode

because, like, I thought he gave really good advice. And then he kind of got

to this point where he was talking about

himself and he was talking about his childhood and how he,

you know, was raised

and how he didn't receive the love that he needed to from his mother when

he was a kid and how he's struggled through that

with his whole life and how he

wasn't looked at as a child. His mother wouldn't look at him, and how that

made him feel like there was something wrong with him. And

I think that's so common. And I

certainly can resonate with that feeling, like, there's something wrong with you.

For a long time, I felt like that. And I still have

times where I do think like that, but when I'm in my right mind,

I know that that's not true. And

it made me really sad to watch Theo talk about how he

was praying that the thing that's wrong with him can

be fixed. And that's kind of what made me want

to do this episode, because I just felt bad for.

I felt maybe not bad for him, but

I empathized with him because I know what that feels like.

But I was watching him believe that about himself, that he

needs God to fix him.

And whatever beliefs are. I don't care what people's beliefs are,

but the idea that something's wrong with you and you need it to be

fixed is just something that I don't believe in

and strongly like, I strongly don't believe in

that. And, you know, of course, there's always things to work on about yourself,

but the fact that there's something inherently wrong with you is,

like, the biggest lie that we tell ourselves. And it's such a limiting

belief. And I think that moving towards

the life that you want, if you're trying to move towards the life that you

want, you have to get rid of that belief about yourself,

and you have to try to start getting rid of that belief about yourself. And

it's a very complex belief. There's so many thoughts and feelings,

and I've been working through that in therapy for years, and everybody has their

own time with things, but the thought

that there's something inherently wrong with you is not true.

And, yeah, I don't know, it made me so,

like, I could feel it. I felt. When I watched him, I could feel

what he was feeling. And I wish I could just, like, talk to him

and be like, there's nothing wrong with you. And not that

my words would mean anything to him, but.

But, yeah, I just. I just wanted to like,

ask that question, like. Like, do you believe that there's something wrong with you? And

I don't know. I hope I'm wording this right, because I don't want to. I

don't want to come off as, like, I don't understand why you would believe that.

I totally understand why you would believe that, like,

wholeheartedly But

I'm at a point now where, like, I can see that that's a

lie. I can see that that's like, it's one of those lies that your brain

tells you, you know, you're not good enough. And, and there's all

sorts of valid reasons as to why you feel like that. Like, I'm not, I'm

not. I don't want to say that. It's not valid to feel like that. It's

totally valid to feel like that. And I think so many people struggle with that

and worthiness, you know, like not having worth. He talked about,

like just having no self worth as a kid, so he would look

towards other people for his own worth. And, you know, perhaps that's why he became

a comedian, because he needed to make people laugh to feel good so

that he felt good about himself. So, you know, it's not, it's not

all bad. You know, you can use it as fuel and.

Yeah, but I don't know, I just like, it hurt me to see him

believe that there was something wrong with him, and I just

wanted to add that to what he said. So. Yeah.

Anyways, I'll stop rambling

if you're interested. If you've never heard of Theo Vaughn, he's a comedian and he

has a podcast and lots of people think

many different things about him. But one thing that I really like about Theo is

he tries to be honest with himself on his podcast and he tries

to like, look at his feelings and he doesn't

always know what they mean. And that's fine because none of us always do.

But he brings up the questions and he tries to express his

feelings and I think it's so helpful, especially for his

demographic of people who maybe never do

that. And he's a really good example and role model

for that. So not every one of his episodes

is great, but. But his solo ones

I find are usually the best because he's kind of looking

inward and. Yeah, that was episode

654 that he came out with recently.

So. Yeah, so that kind of inspired this episode.

And yeah, just thinking about trying to get out of a cycle

and trying to move towards the goals that you want. I think the number

one or one of the most important

things is that self belief of like, there's something wrong with

you because there's not. There's not something wrong with you. You're whole

and complete the way you are. So I think I'll leave you on that.

And lastly, if you

struggle with being hard on yourself and not being kind to yourself. I have

a free seven day guide that you can get in the show notes or in

the link in the description. You can get anywhere 7 day guide to

trying to soften your inner critic. And it's free and

you can go ahead and download that. But thank you so much for

listening. Thank you for being here and I appreciate all of you

and I'll see you on another episode real soon.